Simple Ways to Find Yourself Again After Divorce

Finding youself after a high-conflict divorce doesn’t have to happen all at once. Sometimes the smallest steps make the biggest difference. Try one of these simple ways to reconnect with yourself and see how it feels — then try another, at your own pace. Every little action counts toward reclaiming your peace, your confidence, and your sense of self.


“Small steps, every day, bring you back to you.”


1. Reclaim Your Moments

  • Schedule time to do things that bring you back to yourself each day. Even 10–15 minute each day can get you to start to prioritize the things that bring you joy. It can be as simple as having a cup of coffee or tea or no distractions, reading a book, or sitting quietly with a cozy blanket wrapped around you.
  • Start saying no to people and things that drain your energy. Your time is valuable and it should be spent on things that make you feel better, not worse.
  • Start your mornings with a few minutes just for you — no phone, no distractions. Enjoy a cup of coffee or tea in silence.  
  • Build a “pause” into your day: a walk, a cup of tea, a snack, or putting your head down.
  • Wait before your respond. Sometimes we respond with emotions. You can write your response, but wait a few minutes or a few hours before you send it. You may have a different, calmer perspective. 
  • Choose one small thing you’ll stop doing just because you feel like you “should.” Some ideas would be to plan a simple dinner, grab take out or pizza, leave the dishes in the sink until morning, let the laundry get a little bigger, don’t overcommit, ignore messages until the next day, take a tech time out, or watch a movie instead of cleaning the house.  
  • Protect one block of time each week that’s yours alone — to do whatever it is you want.
  • End the day with a short ritual that signals peace (lighting a candle, reading, journaling).




2. Move Your Body

  • Get up, even if it’s to go to get a glass of water or to walk outside to get the mail.  
  • Dance or move to music you love.
  • Go for a walk with the dog and your children.  
  • Plan a park and picnic day with your kids. You might even find yourself going down the slide or getting on the swing.  



3. Reconnect with Joy

  • Do something that brings even a little bit of happiness every day.
  • Try a hobby or activity you loved doing before you were married.
  • Notice moments that make you smile — even small ones matter.
  • Laugh on purpose. Watch a funny show, call the friend who always makes you laugh, or scroll through joyful things online. Laughter is medicine for a weary heart.
  • Say yes to spontaneous moments. Go for ice cream with your kids, turn up the music louder than you should, give in when you are used to saying no, or take the long way home. Small yeses to joy build trust in your ability to feel again.
  • Let joy be simple. Celebrate the small moments - like snuggling on the couch with your kids, extra time talking with them before bed, or even double dessert nights. Let moments of simple things coexist with the hard days.



4. Treat Yourself How You’d Treat a Friend

  • Speak kindly to yourself. Catch the inner critic when she appears and ask, “Would I say that to someone I love?” Replace it with something gentler.
  • Give yourself permission to have bad days, messy emotions, and setbacks. It’s all part of being human!  
  • You are going through a lot. Allow yourself to make mistakes and don’t be hard on yourself. You did what you could with what you knew then. Now, you’re learning to do differently — and that’s enough.
  • Talk to yourself - I won’t think you are crazy! Whisper the same words you’d offer a friend: “You’re doing your best.” “You’re learning.” “You’re getting stronger.”
  • Make your favorite meal. Wrap up in a blanket. Rest when you’re tired. Little moments of care remind your body it’s safe again.
  • Celebrate tiny wins. Notice when you set a boundary, stayed calm, or chose peace over reaction. These moments matter.



5. Set Boundaries

  • Protect your emotional energy from arguments or chaos.
  • Make clear decisions about what you will and won’t engage with.
  • Give yourself permission to prioritize your needs.
  • Understand that boundaries are your way of protecting yourself from the people who try to harm you. You will get resistance from putting up boundaries, but stand firm on what you believe in.