Make Space for You
Simple ways to reclaim your peace and energy after a high-conflict divorce
When you’ve spent years meeting everyone else’s needs, or living in survival mode, it can feel strange — even selfish — to slow down and make space for yourself.
But the truth is: you deserve room to breathe again.
Room to feel.
Room to rest.
Room to simply be you.
After a high-conflict divorce, your nervous system is often still wired for chaos. You’re used to reacting, fixing, managing, and anticipating. Creating space for yourself isn’t just about scheduling time — it’s about teaching your body and heart that peace is safe again.
This isn’t about isolation; it’s about restoration. It’s learning to listen to what your mind and body truly need after years of emotional exhaustion.
1. Start small.
You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Healing happens in quiet, steady moments.
Give yourself permission to pause — even for just five minutes. Sit in your car before walking inside. Breathe. Sip your morning coffee without checking your phone. You don’t need hours — just a consistent moment that’s yours.
These small pauses remind your nervous system that you are safe, and that life doesn’t have to be lived in reaction anymore. Over time, those moments of peace become your foundation.
Try this: Set a daily reminder for one “peace pause.” Use it to stretch, breathe, or simply sit in silence.
2. Clear your emotional clutter.
Making space for yourself also means releasing what drains you.
- Say no without guilt.
- Mute the texts that spike your anxiety.
Unfollow accounts that make you compare or question your worth. - And when it comes to your ex — try not to give him access to your energy all day long. Instead, schedule specific times when you’ll read or respond to messages. Keep communication short, calm, and purposeful — especially if it’s about co-parenting. The rest of the day, let yourself disengage. You’re not required to react to every ping or provoke.
Try this: Choose one area of your life to declutter emotionally this week — your inbox, your text messages, or your thoughts before bed. Notice how much lighter you feel when you don’t carry it all.
Setting boundaries with your ex is emotional decluttering.
Every time you protect your peace, you’re choosing your healing over the old chaos.
Peace isn’t built by control — it’s built by what you no longer give your attention to. He won't change. (I know we all wish they would!) But, he has shown you the real person he is time and time again. His behavior will never change. You need to start protecting yourself and your reaction to his behavior.
Try this: Come up with set answers that you'll give him back every time he tries to undermine you or question your ability to parent.
Some favorites:
"This is not up for debate."
"I will parent how I decide."
"We can agree to disagree."
"I will no longer discuss this subject."
"Of course you are going to say that." (My therapist gave me this one. It's a favorite!)
"This request was made weeks ago. I’m not repeating myself.”
“You didn’t respond when I asked. I’ve moved on accordingly.”
(Message me for my list. I don't want any troll ex husbands to get anymore ideas.)
3. Reconnect with what feels good.
When you’ve lived in conflict, joy can feel unfamiliar — even unsafe. But joy is part of healing. It’s how you remind yourself that you’re still alive, still capable of feeling, still worthy of lightness.
Fill your space with what reminds you of who you are — music, nature, writing, prayer, or movement. You don’t have to “find yourself” overnight. You just have to remember what makes you feel alive, even for a moment.
Try this:
- Revisit a hobby you loved before your marriage.
- Go for a walk without your phone.
- Play the song that always makes you dance.
- Surround yourself with beauty — buy yourself flowers, frame a picture, or go out in nature.
- The more you lean into small pleasures, the easier it becomes to trust joy again.
4. Protect it like it matters — because it does.
Others may not understand your need for quiet, distance, or rest. That’s okay. You’re rebuilding your life from the inside out, and that requires solitude, gentleness, and time.
Set boundaries around your new peace. You’ve worked too hard to get here. Say no to things that feel heavy. Cancel plans when you’re tired. Create routines that honor your energy instead of depleting it.
Healing after divorce isn’t selfish — it’s sacred work. You’re not avoiding life; you’re creating the space to build a healthier one.
Try this: Write down three things that make you feel calm and at peace — then practice adding those things to your days.
A gentle reminder:
Making space for yourself isn’t an act of selfishness. It’s an act of self-respect.
It’s how you begin to hear your own voice again — the one that got buried under years of noise, expectations, and conflict.
You are not behind. You are rebuilding.
And with every quiet, intentional choice, you are returning home — to you.